The Lingering Effects of Trauma

When the Past Won’t Let Go. Why We Can’t Always “Just Move On”

Most of us carry things we don’t talk about. Maybe it was something big and obvious, like an accident, a loss, or a traumatic childhood. Or maybe it was something quieter but no less impactful, like growing up with emotional neglect, being in an unhealthy relationship, or constantly feeling unsafe without understanding why.

The truth is, trauma isn’t always what happened, but how our system responded when it did. It’s what happens inside us when we feel powerless, alone, or overwhelmed—and no one is there to help us feel safe again.

When a Memory Gets Stuck

Our brains are amazing at making sense of life. Most of the time, when something happens, whether it’s joyful, stressful, or just part of daily life, our brain processes it, learns from it, and files it away like a neat folder in a filing cabinet.

But when the brain and body can’t fully process what happened during a trauma, that memory can stay stuck. Not as a neat, faded photo filed away, but as a raw, unprocessed fragment of the past — along with all the emotions, body sensations, and beliefs that were present in that moment. And because it hasn’t been stored in the usual way, it can keep showing up in the present. We don’t always remember it clearly, but our nervous system does. Sometimes we know exactly what’s triggering us. Other times, it hits us out of nowhere—an unexpected wave of emotion, fear, or shame that feels too big for the current situation. That’s where EMDR comes in.

EMDR in Simple Terms

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It’s a highly effective, research-backed therapy for people who’ve experienced trauma, anxiety, PTSD, or emotionally distressing events, big or small.

In an EMDR session, we gently activate a memory that may still be stuck, without diving into it or reliving it, and then engage the brain in a rhythmic, side-to-side movement. This could be following my fingers with your eyes, listening to alternating sounds, or tapping each side of your body. It’s called bilateral stimulation, and it’s what helps both sides of the brain talk to each other again.

As strange as it may sound at first, this simple back-and-forth movement is powerful. It’s like rebooting a frozen computer. Your brain finally gets the chance to do what it couldn’t do at the time, make sense of what happened, store the memory properly, and move forward.

By the end of the process, people often describe feeling lighter. The memory is still there, but it doesn’t sting in the same way. The body feels calmer. The emotional charge softens. And for many, the belief that once came with the memory begins to shift too, from “I’m not safe” or “It was my fault” to something gentler and more true, like “I’m okay now.”

A Personal Note - Traumatic Loss

I’ve been through EMDR myself. It was part of my own healing after the traumatic loss of our adoptive girls, an experience that left deep emotional scars. EMDR helped me move through that trauma in a way that was brief, safe, and deeply effective.

It didn’t erase what happened, but it helped my nervous system finally let go of the constant replay. It gave me space to grieve, integrate, and begin to heal. And that’s what I want others to know too: healing is possible, and it doesn’t have to take years.

Could EMDR Be Right for You?

If something in this post resonated, if you’re living with the ripple effects of past events, or you feel like something is “stuck” and you don’t quite know why, you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And there are gentle, effective ways to help your brain and body recover.

You can learn more about how I use Somatic EMDR here, or reach out for a free chat if you’d like to explore whether this approach feels right for you.

Sometimes, the first step toward healing isn’t about talking more. It’s about helping your nervous system feel safe enough to let go.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I know if a memory is “stuck”?

Sometimes it's clear, like when a memory keeps replaying or triggers intense emotions. Other times, it’s more subtle. You might feel anxious in certain situations, react strongly to things that don’t seem like a big deal, or just have a sense that something is holding you back. These can all be signs that an unresolved memory is still affecting you.

2. Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail for EMDR to work?

No. One of the most gentle things about EMDR is that you don’t need to go into every detail of what happened. We work with what your brain and body already know, and you only share what feels safe for you. The process helps your system reprocess the memory without needing to relive it.

3. What if I don’t know why I feel this way?

That’s completely okay. You don’t need to have all the answers. Many people come to therapy with a sense that something feels off, but they can’t explain why. EMDR can help uncover the links your mind has made, even if you’re not fully aware of them yet. We follow your system's lead.

4. I’ve had EMDR before and it was overwhelming. Why would this feel different?

This is a common concern. The way I work brings in somatic techniques to help you feel safe and grounded before we begin any memory work. We start by building internal resources and calming the nervous system. That way, when we do begin processing memories, your system is better prepared and you stay in control throughout.

5. How many sessions will I need?

Every person is different, and so is every healing journey. Some people feel relief in just a few sessions, while others need a bit more time. EMDR is designed to be a focused and effective approach, not something that goes on forever. We go at your pace and adjust as needed.