Why Do I Feel Unappreciated At Work?

When not being heard touches something much deeper than the meeting room.

You know that feeling when you have poured your heart, time and brainpower into something at work, and then when it finally gets to the big moment, it is like you were never really there?

Maybe it looks a bit like this.

You spend months on a proposal. You know the current model is broken, and you have more experience than anyone in the business in this area. You gather data, think through options, even ask AI for help. You talk it through with your boss multiple times. They nod, they agree, they say things like “this makes sense” and “you know this space better than anyone.”

You refine, tweak, rewrite. You translate your ideas into the corporate language they want. Slides full of benefits and goals. Cost savings. Risks. Vendor challenges. You make it as clear and as compelling as you can.

Then the day comes.

Your boss presents to the C level, and you wait, hopeful but realistic.

They come back with a “solution” that was not even in your deck.

They have decided to continue with the same model. The same vendor. The same setup you have been flagging as unworkable for two years. The plan now is that someone senior will “put pressure” on the vendor, and that will fix it.

As if you have not already tried everything in your remit to get that vendor to listen. As if years of misalignment and rigid processes are suddenly going to change because someone with a bigger title had one firm conversation.

And you are left thinking:

What was the point?

Did anyone actually hear me?

Do they not trust my expertise?

Do I even matter here?

When It Is Not Just About “This One Decision”

Situations like this are painful on their own. But it often does not stop there.

Maybe your boss has presented your idea as their own more than once. Maybe you keep being passed over for promotion while you quietly carry half the team. Maybe your suggestions are ignored in meetings, then praised when someone else repeats them. Maybe your role has grown but your pay has not. Maybe you have become the person everyone comes to for help, but no one seems to back you when it really counts.

It is easy, in those moments, to go straight to “It must be me.”

I am not good enough.

I am obviously not respected.

If I were smarter, louder, stronger, they would listen.

Many years ago, this is exactly where I would have gone. I would have taken it all very personally, because underneath, I was operating from a powerful belief that I was not enough.

So every time something like this happened at work, my nervous system did not just see “corporate politics” or “a poor decision.” It saw proof. Proof that I was not enough. Not important. Not valued.

And that hurts in a very particular way.

Pattern Matching: Why It Feels So Personal

Our brains are pattern matching machines. When something happens in the present, your brain automatically looks back through your past to find something similar so it can decide how to respond.

The problem is, a lot of those original “reference points” are from childhood.

Maybe you grew up in a home where you were not really listened to.

Maybe you had to be the “good” child to receive attention.

Maybe you were criticised more than you were praised.

Maybe one parent was inconsistent or emotionally unavailable.

At that age, we do not understand context. We do not think, “My parent is stressed” or “My teacher is unsupported” or “This system is unfair.” We think, “This must be my fault” or “I am not good enough” or “If I were different, this would be better.”

Those beliefs sit quietly in the background. Then, years later, you are in a boardroom or on a Zoom call, and something familiar happens. You are talked over. Overruled. Dismissed. Your work is minimised or bypassed.

Your adult brain sees a work situation.

Your nervous system sees a replay.

That is why your reaction can feel so big. The tears that catch you off guard. The rage at the unfairness. The urge to quit on the spot. It is not silly and it is not “too sensitive.” It is your system responding to an old wound.

Is It Them, Is It You, Or Is It Both?

There is something really important to say here.

Sometimes, you are in a genuinely unhealthy or toxic work environment.

Ideas are dismissed. People are belittled. Credit is taken. Voices are silenced. You are given responsibility without support and blamed when it falls over. When that is the case, it is not your job to work harder to tolerate it.

Other times, you might be in a more typical corporate hierarchy. Your boss cares, but they are also under pressure from people above them, who have targets, politics and agendas you do not see. Decisions are influenced by cost, risk, timing and fears you will never be fully briefed on.

The behaviour on the surface might look similar. You might still feel unheard or undervalued. The difference is the intent and the pattern over time.

What therapy gave me, and what I now help others with, is the ability to notice both realities. To say, “Yes, this situation is frustrating and unfair,” while also asking, “What is this activating in me?”

Instead of automatically deciding “I am not enough,” I can now see:

• When it is about a broken system.

• When it is about someone else’s fear or limitation.

• When it is about information I am not privy to.

• When it is truly about misalignment in values.

And from there, I can decide what is best for me based on growth, not fear.

When The Belief Shifts, The Experience Changes

I did not get here by just “thinking positively” or telling myself to toughen up.

For me, the real change happened when I worked on the underlying belief.

Through Cognitive Hypnotherapy, I was able to uncover and shift that deep story of “I am not enough.” Not at the surface level, but at the level where it actually lives. That subconscious space that quietly shapes how you feel, react and make sense of the world.

In other work, especially when experiences have been more traumatic or overwhelming, Somatic EMDR can help the nervous system let go of the intensity that keeps you stuck in hyper alertness or shame.

Once those beliefs and responses begin to soften, something powerful happens.

You can still feel disappointed. You can still be angry at poor leadership or exhausted by corporate nonsense. You may still decide that the environment is not right for you and choose to leave.

But you are no longer making that decision from “I am not good enough.”

You are making it from “I know my value.”

You have options. You are not the problem to fix. You are the person choosing what is right for you.

That is a very different place to live from.

If any of this feels familiar and you are tired of every work disappointment turning into a story that you are not enough, you are not alone. You are not the sum of one meeting, one decision or one boss. And you are allowed to choose a future that honours your experience, your expertise and your nervous system.  Why not reach out for a free chat →

FAQs

How do I know if it is a toxic workplace or my old beliefs?

Look for patterns and intent. If you are regularly belittled, blamed unfairly, excluded, or your boundaries are ignored, that can indicate a toxic environment. If your boss is generally supportive but you still feel deeply ashamed or panicked by normal workplace feedback, there may also be old beliefs at play. Often, it is a mix of both, and therapy can help you untangle which is which.

What if I cannot leave my job right now?

You do not have to leave to start healing. Working on your beliefs and nervous system can help you feel less overwhelmed and reactive, even if your external situation stays the same for a while. Over time, that inner steadiness often makes it easier to advocate for yourself or plan a change.

Can therapy really change how I feel about work situations?

Yes. Cognitive Hypnotherapy works with the subconscious stories you hold about yourself, such as “I am not enough” or “I do not matter.” When those change, your emotional reactions shift too. Situations can still be stressful, but they do not cut as deep, and you have more choice in how you respond.