EMDR for Healing After Your Dream Falls Apart

When life breaks your heart, and you lose the life you imagined, how do you rebuild something meaningful from the pieces?

Six years ago, the life I had imagined ended. The dream I had clung to for so long, the one of being a mum, was over. Not because I chose it to be, but because life chose otherwise. After a long and painful journey, we lost the two daughters we were meant to adopt. And with them, I lost the future I thought I was building.

There are moments in life when everything shifts. When the ground beneath you disappears and the person you thought you were doesn’t quite make sense anymore. That’s what this was for me. I wasn’t just grieving the loss of them. I was grieving the loss of the version of myself that had always imagined.

And underneath the grief, something else started to take root. A quiet, cruel voice that said: maybe I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I wouldn’t have been a good mum. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough, deserving enough, or somehow had failed in a way I couldn’t explain. Trauma has a way of doing that, of kicking us when we’re already down, of making us question our worth just when we need compassion the most.

That experience cracked something open in me. It didn’t just break my heart, it shook the very beliefs I held about who I was and what I deserved. And that’s the thing about trauma. It’s not always about what happened. It’s about what we come to believe about ourselves because of it.

When the Past Stays Stuck

Even after the worst was over, I couldn’t move on. I was still stuck in the moments, the memories, the should-have-beens. I’d try to talk it out. Try to make sense of it. But no amount of conscious reasoning could quiet the ache in my chest or the belief that somehow, I had failed. That’s when I found EMDR.

At first, I didn’t quite understand how it could help. But I was willing to try anything that might stop the endless replay in my mind. And immediately, something started to shift. EMDR let my brain process it in a different way, like it finally had the space and safety to file the memory away, instead of living it again and again.

What surprised me most was how it began to change not just how I felt, but what I believed. That voice saying I wasn’t enough began to soften. I could feel the pain without it defining me. It didn’t mean I stopped grieving. It just meant I wasn’t stuck there anymore.

A New Direction

As the intensity of the trauma eased, I started to explore coaching. Not the kind of surface-level motivation you sometimes see online, but the deep, values-based coaching that helps you reconnect with who you are now and what matters most.

For the first time in a long time, I stopped asking “Why did this happen?” and started asking, “Where do I go from here?” I looked at my core values. I noticed where I felt most like myself. And bit by bit, I began to build a new path. One that honoured what I had been through, while still allowing for something meaningful to grow.

That path led me to becoming a therapist myself. First Cognitive Hypnotherapy, then Somatic EMDR. I trained in the very methods that helped me through the darkest chapter of my life. And now, I use them to help others through theirs.

If You’re in That Place Now

Maybe you’re reading this and you’ve lost something too. A dream. A role. A version of your life that didn’t turn out the way you hoped. If so, I want you to know this: it’s not your fault. You didn’t fail. And you don’t have to stay stuck in the pain forever.

EMDR and coaching aren’t magic fixes, but they are powerful, evidence-based ways to help you make sense of what happened and reconnect with a future that still holds meaning. A future that might look different than you expected, but one that can still be rich and full of purpose.

How I Can Help

If something in this blog resonated with you, if you’re carrying pain from the past, or feel lost about what comes next, know that you’re not alone. I offer Somatic EMDR, Cognitive Hypnotherapy, and coaching in a gentle, personalised way that meets you where you are.

Whether you're looking to heal trauma, shift long-held beliefs, or rediscover what truly matters to you, I'd be honoured to support you on that journey. You can learn more about my approach or get in touch for a free, no-pressure chat.

You’re not broken. You’re not too late. And your story isn’t over.

FAQs

What is EMDR and how does it work?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) helps the brain process distressing memories by using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or tapping, while you focus on a past experience. This allows your brain to reprocess the memory in a more adaptive way, reducing its emotional charge and helping you feel more in control.

Can EMDR help with feelings of failure or not being enough?

Yes. EMDR is particularly effective in shifting negative core beliefs that often develop during trauma. It can help reframe thoughts like “I’m not enough” into more compassionate, grounded beliefs like “I did my best” or “I am okay now.”

Is this a safe space for grief and trauma that feels complicated?

Absolutely. I offer a trauma-trained, gentle, and down-to-earth approach. Whether your grief feels too big, too complicated, or too long-lasting, you are welcome here, exactly as you are.