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When not being heard touches something much deeper than the meeting room. You know that feeling when you have poured your heart, time and brainpower into something at work, and then when it finally gets to the big moment, it is like you were never really there? Maybe it looks a bit like this. You spend months on a proposal. You know the current model is broken, and you have more experience than anyone in the business in this area. You gather data, think through options, even ask AI for help. You talk it through with your boss multiple times. They nod, they agree, they say things like “this makes sense” and “you know this space better than anyone.” You refine, tweak, rewrite. You translate your ideas into the corporate language they want. Slides full of benefits and goals. Cost savings. Risks. Vendor challenges. You make it as clear and as compelling as you can. Then the day comes. Your boss presents to the C level, and you wait, hopeful but realistic. They come back with a “solution” that was not even in your deck. They have decided to continue with the same model. The same vendor. The same setup you have been flagging as unworkable for two years. The plan now is that someone senior will “put pressure” on the vendor, and that will fix it. As if you have not already tried everything in your remit to get that vendor to listen. As if years of misalignment and rigid processes are suddenly going to change because someone with a bigger title had one firm conversation. And you are left thinking: What was the point? Did anyone actually hear me? Do they not trust my expertise? Do I even matter here? When It Is Not Just About “This One Decision” Situations like this are painful on their own. But it often does not stop there. Maybe your boss has presented your idea as their own more than once. Maybe you keep being passed over for promotion while you quietly carry half the team. Maybe your suggestions are ignored in meetings, then praised when someone else repeats them. Maybe your role has grown but your pay has not. Maybe you have become the person everyone comes to for help, but no one seems to back you when it really counts. It is easy, in those moments, to go straight to “ It must be me. ” I am not good enough. I am obviously not respected. If I were smarter, louder, stronger, they would listen. Many years ago, this is exactly where I would have gone. I would have taken it all very personally, because underneath, I was operating from a powerful belief that I was not enough. So every time something like this happened at work, my nervous system did not just see “corporate politics” or “a poor decision.” It saw proof. Proof that I was not enough. Not important. Not valued. And that hurts in a very particular way. Pattern Matching: Why It Feels So Personal Our brains are pattern matching machines. When something happens in the present, your brain automatically looks back through your past to find something similar so it can decide how to respond. The problem is, a lot of those original “reference points” are from childhood. Maybe you grew up in a home where you were not really listened to. Maybe you had to be the “good” child to receive attention. Maybe you were criticised more than you were praised. Maybe one parent was inconsistent or emotionally unavailable. At that age, we do not understand context. We do not think, “My parent is stressed” or “My teacher is unsupported” or “This system is unfair.” We think, “This must be my fault” or “I am not good enough” or “If I were different, this would be better.” Those beliefs sit quietly in the background. Then, years later, you are in a boardroom or on a Zoom call, and something familiar happens. You are talked over. Overruled. Dismissed. Your work is minimised or bypassed. Your adult brain sees a work situation. Your nervous system sees a replay. That is why your reaction can feel so big. The tears that catch you off guard. The rage at the unfairness. The urge to quit on the spot. It is not silly and it is not “too sensitive.” It is your system responding to an old wound. Is It Them, Is It You, Or Is It Both? There is something really important to say here. Sometimes, you are in a genuinely unhealthy or toxic work environment. Ideas are dismissed. People are belittled. Credit is taken. Voices are silenced. You are given responsibility without support and blamed when it falls over. When that is the case, it is not your job to work harder to tolerate it. Other times, you might be in a more typical corporate hierarchy. Your boss cares, but they are also under pressure from people above them, who have targets, politics and agendas you do not see. Decisions are influenced by cost, risk, timing and fears you will never be fully briefed on. The behaviour on the surface might look similar. You might still feel unheard or undervalued. The difference is the intent and the pattern over time. What therapy gave me, and what I now help others with, is the ability to notice both realities. To say, “Yes, this situation is frustrating and unfair,” while also asking, “What is this activating in me?” Instead of automatically deciding “I am not enough,” I can now see: When it is about a broken system. When it is about someone else’s fear or limitation. When it is about information I am not privy to. When it is truly about misalignment in values. And from there, I can decide what is best for me based on growth, not fear. When The Belief Shifts, The Experience Changes I did not get here by just “thinking positively” or telling myself to toughen up. For me, the real change happened when I worked on the underlying belief. Through Cognitive Hypnotherapy , I was able to uncover and shift that deep story of “I am not enough.” Not at the surface level, but at the level where it actually lives. That subconscious space that quietly shapes how you feel, react and make sense of the world. In other work, especially when experiences have been more traumatic or overwhelming, Somatic EMDR can help the nervous system let go of the intensity that keeps you stuck in hyper alertness or shame. Once those beliefs and responses begin to soften, something powerful happens. You can still feel disappointed. You can still be angry at poor leadership or exhausted by corporate nonsense. You may still decide that the environment is not right for you and choose to leave. But you are no longer making that decision from “I am not good enough.” You are making it from “I know my value.” You have options. You are not the problem to fix. You are the person choosing what is right for you. That is a very different place to live from. If any of this feels familiar and you are tired of every work disappointment turning into a story that you are not enough, you are not alone. You are not the sum of one meeting, one decision or one boss. And you are allowed to choose a future that honours your experience, your expertise and your nervous system.  Why not reach out for a free chat  → FAQs How do I know if it is a toxic workplace or my old beliefs? Look for patterns and intent. If you are regularly belittled, blamed unfairly, excluded, or your boundaries are ignored, that can indicate a toxic environment. If your boss is generally supportive but you still feel deeply ashamed or panicked by normal workplace feedback, there may also be old beliefs at play. Often, it is a mix of both, and therapy can help you untangle which is which. What if I cannot leave my job right now? You do not have to leave to start healing. Working on your beliefs and nervous system can help you feel less overwhelmed and reactive, even if your external situation stays the same for a while. Over time, that inner steadiness often makes it easier to advocate for yourself or plan a change. Can therapy really change how I feel about work situations? Yes. Cognitive Hypnotherapy works with the subconscious stories you hold about yourself, such as “I am not enough” or “I do not matter.” When those change, your emotional reactions shift too. Situations can still be stressful, but they do not cut as deep, and you have more choice in how you respond.

What boundaries are really about and why they’re not meant to push people away. I had a conversation recently that stuck with me. The person was talking about how some people use the word "boundaries" in a way that feels... off. Like a shield. Or a way to justify being unkind. He said it felt like boundaries had become an excuse for selfishness, a reason to disconnect instead of relate. And I get it. I’ve seen that too. But I also know that real boundaries, healthy boundaries, are not about being selfish or shutting people out . They’re about choosing what to let in. What Boundaries Are (and Aren’t) Boundaries are not a punishment. They’re not a way to control or shame someone. And they’re not a weapon used to get people to do what we want. If they are, then yes, those are fear-based boundaries, driven by pain or powerlessness. And they rarely lead to better relationships. But growth-based boundaries are something else entirely. They’re the invisible lines that define where you end and someone else begins. They protect your time, energy, values and wellbeing. They are how we communicate what we can and can’t hold, with kindness, clarity, and compassion. You’re not saying: “Get away from me.” You’re saying: “This is what I need to stay connected to myself.” The first pushes people away because we feel unsafe. The second invites closeness, but in a way that is respectful and sustainable. You’re not pushing people out. You’re choosing what to let in. Why I struggled with boundaries for years Before I did my own therapy, boundaries felt impossible. When you carry a deep belief that you’re not enough, it’s hard to say no. You want to prove your worth by being helpful, agreeable, selfless. Exhaustion doesn’t feel like a good enough reason to cancel plans. Needing space feels selfish. So you keep pouring from a cup that’s already empty. I remember once feeling guilty for saying no to babysitting for a friend – even though I had just worked a 60-hour week and had nothing left to give. I didn’t think my tiredness was a good enough reason. Because I didn’t think I was a good enough reason. It’s only when I started healing that I realised this: Boundaries aren’t a rejection of others. They’re an act of self-acceptance. There’s a quote by therapist Nedra Tawwab that I often share with clients: "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." That’s the heart of it. Healthy boundaries make relationships stronger. They allow us to show up more fully, without resentment. They help us stay open, without being overwhelmed. What healthy boundaries sound like "I’m so glad you reached out. I don’t have the capacity to talk today, but I’d love to catch up later this week." "I’m really happy for you, but I’m not in the right headspace to go to that event right now." "I need some time alone to recharge. It’s not about you. It’s something I need to stay well." These aren’t cold. They’re kind. Clear. Respectful. And they’re rooted in a simple truth: your worth doesn’t depend on how much you give. When Others Push Back Here’s the hard bit. Sometimes when you start setting boundaries, people don’t like it. They might feel hurt, or get defensive, or accuse you of changing. And that can feel really uncomfortable. But it’s not your job to manage someone else’s feelings. Read that again. When you set a boundary with kindness and clarity, when you express your needs without blame or shame, you are not responsible for how someone else reacts. Their reaction is about their own beliefs, their own fears, their own stories. Maybe your boundary triggers their fear of rejection or abandonment. Whatever it is, it’s not about you. Of course, that doesn’t mean we ignore people’s feelings. We can care. We can stay kind. But we can’t contort ourselves to avoid their discomfort. And that, in itself, is another boundary. Learning where your responsibility ends and someone else’s begins. If boundaries have been hard for you… You’re not alone. Many of us were raised to please others, put ourselves last, or avoid conflict at all costs. But setting boundaries isn’t about becoming harsh. It’s about becoming honest. It takes practice. It takes healing. And often, it takes support. If you’re tired of overgiving, overexplaining, or feeling resentful when your needs go unmet, it might be time to explore where your boundaries are really coming from. Whether they’re missing entirely, or showing up as defensiveness instead of clarity. This is work we can do together – gently, and at your pace. You can download my Boundaries Handout , and then why not reach out for a free chat → Frequently Asked Questions Is it selfish to set boundaries? Not at all. Boundaries aren’t about putting yourself first at the expense of others. They’re about making sure you’re well enough to show up in your life and relationships. What if someone gets upset when I set a boundary? That can happen, especially if they’re used to you always saying yes. But other people’s discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re changing a dynamic. How do I know if a boundary is healthy? Ask yourself: Am I setting this from fear or from care? Am I trying to control someone else, or am I honouring what I need? Healthy boundaries are based on self-awareness, not punishment. Can you help me learn to set boundaries? Absolutely. Whether you need help finding your voice or untangling old beliefs that make boundaries feel unsafe, this is something we can work on together.

When life breaks your heart, and you lose the life you imagined, how do you rebuild something meaningful from the pieces? Six years ago, the life I had imagined ended. The dream I had clung to for so long, the one of being a mum, was over. Not because I chose it to be, but because life chose otherwise. After a long and painful journey, we lost the two daughters we were meant to adopt. And with them, I lost the future I thought I was building. There are moments in life when everything shifts. When the ground beneath you disappears and the person you thought you were doesn’t quite make sense anymore. That’s what this was for me. I wasn’t just grieving the loss of them. I was grieving the loss of the version of myself that had always imagined. And underneath the grief, something else started to take root. A quiet, cruel voice that said: maybe I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I wouldn’t have been a good mum. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough, deserving enough, or somehow had failed in a way I couldn’t explain. Trauma has a way of doing that, of kicking us when we’re already down, of making us question our worth just when we need compassion the most. That experience cracked something open in me. It didn’t just break my heart, it shook the very beliefs I held about who I was and what I deserved . And that’s the thing about trauma. It’s not always about what happened. It’s about what we come to believe about ourselves because of it. When the Past Stays Stuck Even after the worst was over, I couldn’t move on. I was still stuck in the moments, the memories, the should-have-beens. I’d try to talk it out. Try to make sense of it. But no amount of conscious reasoning could quiet the ache in my chest or the belief that somehow, I had failed. That’s when I found EMDR. At first, I didn’t quite understand how it could help. But I was willing to try anything that might stop the endless replay in my mind. And immediately, something started to shift. EMDR let my brain process it in a different way, like it finally had the space and safety to file the memory away, instead of living it again and again. What surprised me most was how it began to change not just how I felt, but what I believed. That voice saying I wasn’t enough began to soften. I could feel the pain without it defining me. It didn’t mean I stopped grieving. It just meant I wasn’t stuck there anymore. A New Direction As the intensity of the trauma eased, I started to explore coaching. Not the kind of surface-level motivation you sometimes see online, but the deep, values-based coaching that helps you reconnect with who you are now and what matters most. For the first time in a long time, I stopped asking “Why did this happen?” and started asking, “Where do I go from here?” I looked at my core values. I noticed where I felt most like myself. And bit by bit, I began to build a new path. One that honoured what I had been through, while still allowing for something meaningful to grow. That path led me to becoming a therapist myself. First Cognitive Hypnotherapy, then Somatic EMDR. I trained in the very methods that helped me through the darkest chapter of my life. And now, I use them to help others through theirs. If You’re in That Place Now Maybe you’re reading this and you’ve lost something too. A dream. A role. A version of your life that didn’t turn out the way you hoped. If so, I want you to know this: it’s not your fault. You didn’t fail. And you don’t have to stay stuck in the pain forever. EMDR and coaching aren’t magic fixes, but they are powerful, evidence-based ways to help you make sense of what happened and reconnect with a future that still holds meaning. A future that might look different than you expected, but one that can still be rich and full of purpose. How I Can Help If something in this blog resonated with you, if you’re carrying pain from the past, or feel lost about what comes next, know that you’re not alone. I offer Somatic EMDR, Cognitive Hypnotherapy, and coaching in a gentle, personalised way that meets you where you are. Whether you're looking to heal trauma, shift long-held beliefs, or rediscover what truly matters to you, I'd be honoured to support you on that journey. You can learn more about my approach or get in touch for a free, no-pressure chat. You’re not broken. You’re not too late. And your story isn’t over. FAQs What is EMDR and how does it work? EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) helps the brain process distressing memories by using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or tapping, while you focus on a past experience. This allows your brain to reprocess the memory in a more adaptive way, reducing its emotional charge and helping you feel more in control. Can EMDR help with feelings of failure or not being enough? Yes. EMDR is particularly effective in shifting negative core beliefs that often develop during trauma. It can help reframe thoughts like “I’m not enough” into more compassionate, grounded beliefs like “I did my best” or “I am okay now.” Is this a safe space for grief and trauma that feels complicated? Absolutely. I offer a trauma-trained, gentle, and down-to-earth approach. Whether your grief feels too big, too complicated, or too long-lasting, you are welcome here, exactly as you are.

How Cognitive Hypnotherapy and Somatic EMDR can help with decision anxiety There’s a quiet moment I often witness in therapy, the pause when someone realises they do have a choice . Not always the choice they wanted, not always an easy one. But a choice, nonetheless. And in that realisation, something powerful happens: they begin to reclaim a sense of agency, of possibility, of self . When we feel like we don’t have a choice, life can feel suffocating. It’s easy to slip into a fear-based mindset, or even a quiet victimhood, believing that life is something happening to us rather than something we’re actively shaping. This is why I often speak to clients about moving from a fear mindset to a growth mindset . It’s not about being relentlessly positive. It’s about recognising when we’re choosing out of fear, or choosing to grow. Sometimes, the choices we face are stark and unfair. They’re not the options we imagined for this stage of life, or for who we thought we’d be. But even then, you are still choosing. When you own that, even when both options are hard, you take your power back . I’ve had people say to me, “You’re so lucky you get to travel,” and I gently correct them. I choose to. I choose to save money for experiences that bring me joy. I choose not to spend it elsewhere. That same principle applies across our lives. Whether it’s the hard decision to undergo a medical procedure, leave a job, or stay in a relationship, recognising it as your decision gives you strength. It might not feel like much, but it matters. Even uncertainty can become part of the gift. When we fixate on the fear of the unknown, we miss the fact that it’s also where joy, discovery, and unexpected growth live. Choosing to step forward, even into uncertainty, can be an act of courage, not recklessness. I think often of my own decision to stay in England rather than return to Australia. I miss the sun, the sea, and the familiar laughter of my favourite people. But I choose to stay – it's not forced upon me. And that means I also get to choose to embrace the good that’s here. The people I love, the fulfilling work, the proximity to new places and cultures. If I believed I had no choice, I’d feel powerless. But when I acknowledge it is a choice, I get to reclaim the narrative. And here’s the thing about choices: we can’t always know where they’ll lead. We can spend years second-guessing, playing out what might have been. But there are no “wrong” choices, only the choice you made with the information and resources you had at the time. Regret can trap us in fear. Self-compassion can set us free. Next Steps If something in this post resonated with you, and you're ready to feel more in control of your choices, let’s talk . I offer a free consultation  where we can explore what’s been going on for you and how therapy might help. Because healing begins when we realise we are not stuck. We are not broken. And we are never without choice. Frequently Asked Questions Q: What if I feel like I don’t have any good options? Even when none of the choices feel ideal, *recognising* that you still have a choice can shift your experience from powerlessness to agency. It doesn’t mean pretending it’s easy—it means honouring your capacity to choose, even in difficult circumstances. Q: Can therapy help me make big life decisions? Absolutely. Therapy isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about helping you untangle fear from instinct, reconnect with your values, and feel more confident in the direction you want to take. Q: What if I regret a choice I made? Regret often comes from the belief that there was a “right” decision and you missed it. In truth, every choice teaches us something. Therapy can help you move from self-blame to self-understanding, so you can make peace with your past and feel more confident in your future. Q: How do I know if I’m choosing from fear or growth? Ask yourself: Am I running away from something, or moving toward something meaningful? Fear-based choices often feel urgent and constricting. Growth-based ones may feel scary too, but they tend to carry a sense of alignment and expansion. Q: Can therapy help me feel more in control of my life? Yes. The process of therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of agency, understand what’s been driving your decisions, and feel more empowered to create change.

It Wasn’t About Thinking Differently. It Was About Believing I Was Enough. CBT I tried CBT. More than once, actually. And in some ways, it really helped. I learned to notice my unhelpful thoughts. I practised challenging them. I journaled. I had tools. But even with all that, I burned out. Again. And again. And again. Because no matter how many times I told myself I didn’t need to prove anything… Deep down, I still believed I wasn’t enough . That belief didn’t live in my conscious thoughts. It was buried deeper — underneath the overthinking, underneath the drive to do more, be more, help more. It was in the background of every "yes" I said when I wanted to say no. Every time I put someone else first. Every time I pushed through stress and exhaustion because the idea of “not doing enough” made me feel physically ill. Three burnouts. And I still didn’t get it. Until I started working with someone who didn’t just ask me what I was thinking. They helped me uncover what I believed, and when/where I learned it. Coping vs Healing CBT is a wonderful, evidence-based tool. And for many people, it brings real results. It’s structured. It’s practical. It gives you something to do . But when the issue isn’t the behaviour itself — it’s the belief driving it — changing your behaviour can feel like trying to patch a leak without turning off the tap. I could reframe a thought. But I couldn’t stop the subconscious pressure that said, “If you stop achieving, they’ll see you’re not enough.” What finally helped me shift that belief — and the emotional weight that came with it — was a different kind of work. Cognitive Hypnotherapy helped me find the original “seed” of those beliefs, and gently loosen their grip. And slowly, I started to make different choices. Not because I was forcing  myself to behave differently — but because the pressure to prove myself was gone. I truly believed i was enough. Science That Backs It Up I’m not the only one who’s found this helpful.A pilot study published in the Mental Health Review Journal (2015) found that 71% of clients who received Cognitive Hypnotherapy for anxiety or depression considered themselves “recovered” after just four sessions. This compared to around 42% of those using traditional approaches like CBT. That doesn’t mean CBT is wrong. But it does suggest that for some people — especially those with deeper, belief-driven patterns — a more flexible, integrative approach can make a bigger difference, faster. When I Needed More Than Talking Later, when I went through one of the most painful experiences of my life — the traumatic loss of our adoptive daughters — I realised again that not all healing happens through talking. No amount of journaling or thought-challenging could touch the depth of that grief. This is when I turned to EMDR . And not just any EMDR, but a gentle, somatic approach that helped my nervous system slowly feel safe again. That’s the thing about trauma — it isn’t just in the mind. It’s in the body. And unless we include the body in the process, part of us stays stuck. Read about the lingering effects of trauma here . For me, combining Cognitive Hypnotherapy  and Somatic EMDR  created a space where I could grieve, release, and actually move forward. It helped me not just manage my emotions, but truly begin to heal them. How I Can Help If you’ve been trying your best but something still feels stuck… if the same patterns keep showing up even when you know better… it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s often because something deeper is driving it — and that part of you might need more than logic or tools. It might need compassion, curiosity, and a different way of working. That’s what I offer in therapy. A safe space to explore the root of what’s going on. Not to rehash your past — but to gently untangle the parts of it that still echo today. If you're curious whether Cognitive Hypnotherapy or Somatic EMDR could help, feel free to reach out. I'm always happy to answer questions, and I offer a free consultation if you'd like to talk more about what support could look like for you. FAQs About Therapy Approaches Q: What’s the difference between CBT and Cognitive Hypnotherapy? CBT focuses on identifying and challenging unhelpful thoughts, mostly through structured, conscious exercises. Cognitive Hypnotherapy works at both the conscious and unconscious levels — helping you shift the beliefs and emotional patterns that may be fuelling those thoughts in the first place. Q: Can Cognitive Hypnotherapy work for anxiety and burnout? Yes. It’s particularly effective when anxiety or burnout is driven by internal pressure, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or limiting beliefs like “I’m not enough.” It helps reduce the emotional “charge” around these beliefs so they don’t run the show. Q: I’ve tried CBT and it didn’t help. How is this different? CBT is often a top-down approach — changing how you think  in order to change how you feel . Cognitive Hypnotherapy often goes the other way around: helping you change what you believe and feel , which in turn changes how you think and behave . Q: How does Somatic EMDR fit into this? When trauma is involved — whether it’s a big event or a long pattern of feeling unsafe — it often lives in the body. Somatic EMDR uses gentle techniques to help the nervous system release those stuck memories and reactions, making deeper healing possible.

When the Past Won’t Let Go. Why We Can’t Always “Just Move On” Most of us carry things we don’t talk about. Maybe it was something big and obvious, like an accident, a loss, or a traumatic childhood. Or maybe it was something quieter but no less impactful, like growing up with emotional neglect, being in an unhealthy relationship, or constantly feeling unsafe without understanding why. The truth is, trauma isn’t always what happened , but how our system responded when it did. It’s what happens inside us  when we feel powerless, alone, or overwhelmed—and no one is there to help us feel safe again. When a Memory Gets Stuck Our brains are amazing at making sense of life. Most of the time, when something happens, whether it’s joyful, stressful, or just part of daily life, our brain processes it, learns from it, and files it away like a neat folder in a filing cabinet. But when the brain and body can’t fully process what happened during a trauma, that memory can stay stuck . Not as a neat, faded photo filed away, but as a raw, unprocessed fragment of the past — along with all the emotions, body sensations, and beliefs that were present in that moment. And because it hasn’t been stored in the usual way, it can keep showing up in the present. We don’t always remember  it clearly, but our nervous system does. Sometimes we know exactly what’s triggering us. Other times, it hits us out of nowhere—an unexpected wave of emotion, fear, or shame that feels too big  for the current situation. That’s where EMDR  comes in. EMDR in Simple Terms EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing . It’s a highly effective, research-backed therapy for people who’ve experienced trauma, anxiety, PTSD, or emotionally distressing events, big or small. In an EMDR session, we gently activate a memory that may still be stuck, without diving into it or reliving it, and then engage the brain in a rhythmic, side-to-side movement. This could be following my fingers with your eyes, listening to alternating sounds, or tapping each side of your body. It’s called bilateral stimulation , and it’s what helps both sides of the brain talk to each other again. As strange as it may sound at first, this simple back-and-forth movement is powerful. It’s like rebooting a frozen computer. Your brain finally gets the chance to do what it couldn’t do at the time, make sense of what happened , store the memory properly, and move forward. By the end of the process, people often describe feeling lighter. The memory is still there, but it doesn’t sting in the same way. The body feels calmer. The emotional charge softens. And for many, the belief that once came with the memory begins to shift too , from “I’m not safe”  or “It was my fault”  to something gentler and more true, like “I’m okay now.” A Personal Note - Traumatic Loss I’ve been through EMDR myself. It was part of my own healing after the traumatic loss of our adoptive girls, an experience that left deep emotional scars. EMDR helped me move through that trauma in a way that was brief, safe, and deeply effective . It didn’t erase what happened, but it helped my nervous system finally let go of the constant replay. It gave me space to grieve, integrate, and begin to heal. And that’s what I want others to know too: healing is possible , and it doesn’t have to take years. Could EMDR Be Right for You? If something in this post resonated, if you’re living with the ripple effects of past events, or you feel like something is “stuck” and you don’t quite know why, you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And there are gentle, effective ways to help your brain and body recover. You can learn more about how I use Somatic EMDR here ,  or reach out for a free chat  if you’d like to explore whether this approach feels right for you. Sometimes, the first step toward healing isn’t about talking more. It’s about helping your nervous system feel safe enough to let go. Frequently Asked Questions 1. How do I know if a memory is “stuck”? Sometimes it's clear, like when a memory keeps replaying or triggers intense emotions. Other times, it’s more subtle. You might feel anxious in certain situations, react strongly to things that don’t seem like a big deal, or just have a sense that something is holding you back. These can all be signs that an unresolved memory is still affecting you. 2. Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail for EMDR to work? No. One of the most gentle things about EMDR is that you don’t need to go into every detail of what happened. We work with what your brain and body already know, and you only share what feels safe for you. The process helps your system reprocess the memory without needing to relive it. 3. What if I don’t know why I feel this way? That’s completely okay. You don’t need to have all the answers. Many people come to therapy with a sense that something feels off, but they can’t explain why. EMDR can help uncover the links your mind has made, even if you’re not fully aware of them yet. We follow your system's lead. 4. I’ve had EMDR before and it was overwhelming. Why would this feel different? This is a common concern. The way I work brings in somatic techniques to help you feel safe and grounded before we begin any memory work. We start by building internal resources and calming the nervous system. That way, when we do begin processing memories, your system is better prepared and you stay in control throughout. 5. How many sessions will I need? Every person is different, and so is every healing journey. Some people feel relief in just a few sessions, while others need a bit more time. EMDR is designed to be a focused and effective approach, not something that goes on forever. We go at your pace and adjust as needed.

The Quiet Belief That Drives Everything There’s a voice that lives quietly in the background for many of us. It might sound like: I should be doing more. Sound familiar? This belief, I am not enough , is one of the most common threads I see running through the stories of the clients I work with. And I know it intimately, because it used to run mine too. It’s a belief that drives us to do more, be more, push harder… and yet no matter how much we do, it never quite feels like enough. Because the problem isn’t what we’re doing. It ’s what we believe we are . Where Does That Belief Come From? Often, this feeling doesn’t come from one big traumatic moment.It can begin in the smallest of ways. A teacher who once asked, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” A parent who, without meaning to, praised achievement over effort.Moments of feeling unseen, unheard, or not quite right… that over time, add up. As children, we don’t have the tools to understand context or nuance.Instead, our brain makes meaning: If I wasn’t chosen, I must not be good enough. If I was yelled at, I must have done something wrong. If I try harder, maybe they’ll notice me. And from those moments, a belief is born. One that we carry, quietly, persistently, into adulthood. How “Not Enough” Shows Up in Adult Life This belief doesn’t just sit still. It infiltrates. It can drive us to: Overachieve , hoping that success will finally silence the doubt. People-please , so we don’t risk rejection. Push ourselves , even when we’re running on empty. React defensively  to feedback, because it echoes the very thing we fear. Seek constant approval,  needing to hear that we’re okay from others, because we struggle to feel it inside. It can also look like the opposite: Burnout , because nothing feels good enough to stop. Withdrawal , because what’s the point in trying if you already believe you’ll fall short? Strained relationships , where we either overcompensate or shut down. I’ve been there. Three times in my career I’ve hit burnout, hard , without understanding what was really driving me. I thought I was just a dedicated professional, someone who cared deeply. And I am. But I was also someone unknowingly being led by a belief that no matter what I did, it would never be enough. What If That Belief Isn’t True? Here’s the life-changing thing. That belief? It isn’t a fact. It’s a story . And stories can be changed. One of the most powerful things about QCH Therapy is that it helps you go right to the source, not just to manage the symptoms, but to change the underlying belief. QCH therapy helped me find the origins of that old “not enough” script, and gently rewrite it. Not by pretending everything was fine, or layering on surface-level affirmations… But by actually speaking to that part of me that had held onto the belief for so long. Because when your subconscious realises it doesn’t need to protect you with that old story anymore? That’s when things start to shift. That’s when doing less feels safe. That’s when validation comes from within, not from others. That’s when you start believing you are enough, as you are. Changing the Script In Somatic EMDR and Cognitive Hpnotherapy , we don’t use a one-size-fits-all approach. We work with your story, your experiences, and your beliefs. We uncover where “not enough” came from… And then we change the story. Because once you believe you are enough,  you stop living in fear of falling short. You make decisions from a place of worth, not guilt. You learn to rest, say no, receive love, ask for help—and mean it. You live differently. And it’s not only possible, it’s easier than you might think. You Are Already Enough If you’ve been pushing, striving, doubting, burning out, maybe it’s time to pause and ask: what am I really chasing? Because often, what we’re chasing is a feeling we’ve been missing inside. If that resonates, let’s talk . I offer a free consultation  where we can gently explore what’s been driving your inner voice, and how we can begin to shift it. You’re not broken. You’ve just been trying to feel enough in a world that never taught you how. Let’s change that. Burnout

The Slow Creep of Overwhelm There have been seasons in my life where stress didn’t just knock on the door—it moved in. Not all at once. But slowly, quietly. A few extra responsibilities at work. A child not sleeping. The pressure to show up for everyone, to not drop the ball, to be capable, reliable… strong. At first, I’d tell myself, “ It’s just a busy week. ” Then it became, “ It’s just a phase. ” Until eventually, I couldn’t remember what it felt like to not  feel this way. It wasn’t just stress anymore. It was living in a constant state of edge. Tired, wired, brittle, and teetering on the edge of burnout. What Stress Actually Looks Like (and Feels Like) We throw the word “stress” around all the time. But real stress—the kind that gets into your bones and your breath—can be surprisingly sneaky. It can show up as: Headaches that linger, no matter how much water you drink A stomach that flips or clenches when you think about your to-do list Restless nights where your brain won’t switch off Feeling snappy or shut down with people you love A sense that everything is just too much —even things that used to be manageable And then there’s the quiet stuff: The guilt for not being able to “handle it” The shame of dropping the ball The sense that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough That’s not weakness . That’s a system that’s been running too hard for too long. The Invisible Weight of Expectation For many of us, stress isn’t just about the external pressures—it’s about the internal ones. The voice that says: “You should be able to cope with this.” “Other people are doing more.” “Don’t let anyone down.” So we keep going. We push through. And often, we don’t realise the cost until our body says, “No more.” I know that feeling. I’ve lived it. And I’ve watched so many clients—high-functioning, heart-led, capable people—find themselves quietly falling apart beneath the surface. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. You're Not Meant to Carry It All Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that stress is just a part of being an adult. That feeling overwhelmed is normal. That putting yourself last is noble. But I don’t believe that anymore.Not after what I’ve seen. Not after what I’ve lived. There comes a point where pushing through stops working.Where managing stress isn’t about ticking one more box—it's about gently asking: “What do I believe that’s making this feel so heavy?”“Where did I learn that I had to be everything to everyone?” Because beneath the stress, there’s always a story. And when we can understand that story with kindness—not blame—we start to find new ways to be. You Deserve Ease, Too If you’re living in that space right now—where stress is no longer a passing phase but just the way things are—I want you to know: it doesn’t have to stay this way. You don’t have to keep coping. You don’t have to keep holding it all. There’s space for you to rest. To soften. To feel steady again. And maybe, even to breathe a little easier . Let's Chat.

When Your Mind Won’t Let You Rest There were times in my life where I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go wrong. Even when everything looked fine on the outside, I felt uneasy—like I was waiting for the next thing to go wrong, even if I didn’t know what it was. That’s what anxiety can be like. For me, it often showed up as restlessness I couldn’t explain. Racing thoughts I couldn’t slow down. Or the sense that I had to keep doing more, fixing more, preparing for everything—just in case. I’ve come to understand that anxiety is not just about worrying. It’s about feeling unsafe in your own body and mind —even when the world around you is calm. It’s like walking through fog. You can’t see what’s ahead. Every step feels unsure. And there’s a tension in your chest that never quite goes away. What Anxiety Actually  Is Anxiety is our brain trying to protect us.It scans for danger based on what we've been through—and sometimes, it gets stuck on high alert. You might recognise some of these feelings: A racing heart or shortness of breath Tightness in your chest or jaw Restlessness, like you just can’t settle Trouble sleeping, or waking with a sense of dread Constantly replaying past conversations or worrying about the future Feeling like your thoughts are tangled and hard to quiet And then comes the guilt. The inner critic that says: “What’s wrong with me? I should be able to cope.” But that voice is wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system has just been stuck in “protect” mode for too long. Why It’s So Hard to Switch Off Most people think anxiety is just a mindset problem—something you can logic your way out of. But it’s deeper than that. It’s your whole body  reacting to a belief that something bad might happen. And often, that belief comes from somewhere much earlier in life—an experience that taught you that the world, or your place in it, wasn’t safe. That’s why even when life seems good, anxiety can still whisper: “What if something goes wrong?” “What if I mess it up?” “What if I can’t handle it?” And that’s what makes anxiety so exhausting. Because it doesn’t just live in the mind—it lives in the body, in the breath, in the way you carry yourself through the day. You're Not Alone In This If you’re feeling tired of holding it all together…If anxiety is making your world feel smaller…If you’re constantly bracing for something bad to happen… You’re not broken. You’re not overreacting. You’re human. And there is a way forward. You Deserve to Feel Safe Again I don’t believe healing comes from pushing harder or pretending to be okay. It comes from gently learning to feel safe again. In your thoughts. In your body. In your life. That’s what changed everything for me. And it’s what I now help others discover, too. Let’s chat .

Hesitation And The Fear That Froze Me For a long time, I was terrified of making decisions. Not just nervous— terrified . It felt like my life was a narrow path, perched on the edge of a cliff. And every decision—every single one—had one  right answer. One safe step forward. And everything else? A wrong move that would send everything crashing down. I don’t even know where that belief started. But I carried it for years. Every big decision—where to live, whether to take a job, or buy a house—was weighed down with pressure. Even smaller things like booking a holiday or saying yes to an invitation could send me spiralling.Because in the background, I genuinely believed that if I got it wrong, I’d ruin everything. Looking back now, I can see it wasn’t about the choices at all.It was about the fear of getting it wrong. The belief that if i got it wrong, I wasn't enough. Why Indecision Feels So Heavy If you’ve ever stood in the supermarket frozen by too many choices… Or replayed a conversation in your head a hundred times wondering if you said the wrong thing… Or asked everyone around you what to do—because the thought of deciding on your own felt unbearable… You’re not alone. And you’re not broken. Indecision and hesitation often stem from something deeper. It’s not about being “bad at making choices.” It’s about the quiet fear underneath that says: “If I choose wrong, something bad will happen.” “If I disappoint someone, they won’t love me.” “If I make a mistake, it means I’m not good enough.” When we’re holding onto those beliefs, even the smallest decision can feel loaded. And the big ones? They feel impossible. The Truth About “Wrong Choices” The biggest shift for me came when I realised this: There is no single right path. There are just choices—and each one teaches you something. Some choices lead to joy, some to growth, some to redirection.But none of them—none—mean you’ve failed. That’s been life-changing for me.Because once I stopped believing I had to get everything “right,” I started giving myself permission to live . I started to listen to what I actually wanted. To trust that I could figure things out, even if the path was messy. To understand that a detour didn’t mean disaster—it just meant I was learning. Trusting Yourself Again If you’re stuck in indecision right now, I want you to know this: You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t need to get it perfect. And you are allowed to choose something—even if it’s scary, even if you change your mind later. You don’t need to earn your right to trust yourself. It’s already yours. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is take one small step forward—even if you’re still afraid. Because confidence isn’t what happens before  the decision. It’s what grows because  you made one. Let’s chat .

It Was “Just a Bridge”... But My Legs Had Other Ideas Years ago, I stood at the edge of the Capilano Suspension Bridge  in Canada—my heart racing, legs wobbling, every cell in my body screaming, “Nope.” To most people, it’s just a bridge. To me? It felt like a test I wasn’t sure I’d pass. I’ve always had a fear of heights. Even the idea of standing on something high would make my stomach flip. But that day, something had shifted. I’d been working on my fear, gently, using the very same techniques I now use with my clients. And I walked across that bridge. Was I totally calm and composed? Not exactly. But I did it. And I came back smiling. Phobias Are More Than Just Fear Phobias aren’t just about being scared.They’re intense, sometimes overwhelming responses that hijack  your body and brain, often without warning. Whether it’s: Standing on a high balcony Getting on a plane Seeing a spider Walking into a crowded room Driving on a motorway …phobias can take what should be ordinary moments and turn them into full-blown panic. And what makes it harder is that part of you knows  the fear might be irrational—but that doesn’t stop your heart from pounding or your palms from sweating. Why Does This Happen? The brain is incredibly clever—but also a little literal.If something once felt dangerous (even if it wasn’t actually life-threatening), your brain stores that experience like a “red flag.” Then, the next time anything remotely similar shows up, your subconscious goes: “This looks like that scary thing. Better freak out to keep you safe.” It’s a protective mechanism—one that was useful once, but now may be stopping you from doing things you’d like to enjoy. There are a few different types of phobias I see in my practice: Specific phobias , like fear of heights, flying, dogs, or needles. Social phobia , where the fear is around being judged or humiliated. Agoraphobia , which can feel like a fear of panic itself—being somewhere you can’t easily escape. Whatever the type, the experience is real—and it can take over daily life if left unchecked. What Phobia Symptoms Can Feel Like Phobia symptoms vary from person to person, but often include: Rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath Sweating, shaking, dizziness Nausea or digestive upset Dry mouth or trouble speaking A strong, almost automatic need to avoid the trigger Feeling panicky or out of control And perhaps most frustratingly? Knowing it's not “rational” doesn’t stop it. Which is why just telling yourself to calm down  rarely works. How QCH Therapy Can Help This is where QUEST Cognitive Hypnotherapy  comes in.Unlike one-size-fits-all treatments, QCH works with you —your story, your subconscious, your experience of the fear. Together, we uncover where the phobia began.Often, it’s not where you think.Maybe it was a childhood memory, or a moment where you felt helpless or unsafe. Maybe it wasn’t even your memory—but something passed on through family stories or repeated warnings like “Be careful! That’s dangerous!” Once we’ve found the root, we work gently to reframe  that experience—so your brain no longer sees it as a threat.The result?Your body begins to respond differently. The fear loosens. New possibilities open up. You don’t have to fight the fear. You just have to teach your mind that you’re safe now. A Bridge Between Fear and Freedom Crossing that bridge in Canada wasn’t just about conquering a fear of heights.It was about reclaiming choice.I didn’t feel brave  in the traditional sense. But I did feel empowered. Because I knew my fear wasn’t in control anymore. And that’s what I want for you. Ready to Take the First Step? If there’s something holding you back—whether it’s flying, public speaking, crowds, driving, or anything else— I’d love to help. I offer a free, no-pressure consultation to explore what’s going on and whether QCH Therapy  could be the path that helps you walk across your own “bridge.” Because you can  change how you feel. And it doesn’t have to take years. Let’s work together to help you feel free again.

Burnout Isn’t Just About Stress I've burned out three times in my career. Not just a bit tired or run-down—but full-blown, can’t-function burnout. And the crazy part? I already had dealt with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. You’d think I would’ve known better. But that’s the thing about burnout—it’s not always about logic. It’s about the deep, hidden beliefs that push us beyond our limits, even when our body is screaming please stop . For me, it was the belief that I wasn’t enough. So, I worked harder. I pushed more. I said yes to everything. I tried to be everything to everyone. Because that little voice inside kept whispering: If you just do more, maybe then you’ll be enough. Eventually, my body said no. What Burnout Really Feels Like Burnout isn’t just being tired. It’s being done . Emotionally flat. Mentally foggy. Physically drained. It’s waking up tired no matter how much you sleep. It’s staring at a to-do list and feeling like every item is shouting at you. It’s starting to question everything: your worth, your abilities, your future. And often, the people around you don’t see it coming—because on the outside, you’re still functioning. Still smiling. Still saying yes.But inside? You’re unravelling. I know this space all too well—not just from my own life, but from the stories of so many clients I’ve worked with. The Hidden Driver Behind Burnout One of the biggest realisations I’ve had, personally and professionally, is that burnout is rarely just  about external stress. It’s often about what we’re trying to prove. Maybe you’ve always felt like you needed to work twice as hard to be valued. Or like you couldn’t let anyone down, ever. Maybe your sense of worth is tightly wound up in your achievements, or how much you do for others. These aren’t personality traits—they’re protective patterns , rooted in old beliefs. And the one I see most often? I am not enough. When your subconscious is running that belief, it doesn’t matter how much you do—it will never  feel like it’s enough. So you keep doing more. And more. Until eventually, your system can’t take it anymore. Why Rest Isn’t Always the Solution We often think of burnout as something a holiday can fix. And while rest is important, it’s rarely the full answer. Because if you don’t shift the beliefs that led you to burnout in the first place, guess what? You’ll be back there again in no time. I know—I did it three times. What changed everything for me was Cognitive Hypnotherapy (QCH) . Not because it gave me coping tools (although it does), but because it helped me get to the real reason  I kept running myself into the ground. Through QCH, I was able to uncover where that old belief of “not enough” came from—and begin to change it. Not just in my head, but in the deeper part of me that had been quietly calling the shots for years. What Healing From Burnout Really Looks Like Healing from burnout isn’t about doing nothing.It ’s about doing things differently . It’s learning to: Say no without guilt. Rest without needing to earn it. Value yourself for being , not just doing . Let go of the pressure to prove. Reconnect with your passion, purpose, and peace. And most importantly?It’s about believing—deep down—that you are already enough . Just as you are. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone If you're sitting in that space right now—running on empty, doubting yourself, feeling like there’s no way out—I want you to know there is  a way through. It starts with understanding that burnout isn't your fault . It's the result of deep, often hidden beliefs. And the good news is—those beliefs can be changed. Easier than you might think. Ready to Feel Like Yourself Again? If you're facing burnout or feeling like you're heading toward it, I’d love to talk . I offer a free, no-pressure consultation where we can explore what’s going on for you, and whether QCH Therapy might be the right support. This isn’t about pushing through. It’s about healing  from the inside out. Because you deserve a life where you feel steady, energised, and at peace—without having to earn it. Let’s walk that path together. can tackle burnout and reignite your zest for life. It's about taking that first step towards a life where you're in control, not your stress. Let’s embark on this journey together.