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What 29 Years of Marriage Have Taught Me I’ve been married for 29 years. And yes—we’re still happy. But have there been hard times? Absolutely. I think there’s a dangerous myth that a good relationship should always feel easy. That love should be effortless and that any bumps mean something’s wrong. But the truth is, relationships—real ones—take work, patience, and a willingness to grow together. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the years is this: love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a decision. A choice you make—sometimes daily—to show up, to listen, to adapt, to stay connected, especially when life gets messy. Why Relationships Feel So Hard Sometimes When two people come together, they don’t just bring their love and best intentions.They also bring their stuff . We all carry beliefs shaped by our past—many of them formed so early we don’t even realise they’re running the show. Things like: I’m not enough I’m too much I’m not lovable People leave When we hold these beliefs deep down (often without knowing), we can start to filter everything our partner does through that lens. A delayed reply to a text might feel like rejection. A disagreement can feel like abandonment. A bit of distance might trigger a panic that love is fading. And we’re not reacting to our partner in the present—we’re reacting to something old. Something from before them. I’ve seen this pattern so often in my clients. And I’ve experienced it myself. Even in my own marriage, we’ve had to face seasons where things felt disconnected or strained. And every time, it came down to understanding—what were we each bringing into the relationship? What were we reacting to that wasn’t actually happening right now ? Learning to See Each Other Clearly The moment we stop expecting our partner to be responsible for our wounds—and start being curious about our own inner world—things change. It’s not about blame. It’s about awareness. In a relationship, each person sees the world through their own lens, shaped by childhood, past experiences, family dynamics, and beliefs. And when those lenses clash (which they will), miscommunication, hurt feelings, and resentment can creep in. But with a little understanding—and a willingness to listen rather than react—it’s possible to see each other more clearly. Why Acceptance and Change Can Coexist One of the keys to the longevity of my relationship has been accepting that we will both change. The person I married is not exactly the same person I’m married to now. And the same goes for me. Relationships aren’t about staying the same—they’re about growing together. Supporting each other through life’s seasons, learning how to reconnect when things feel off, and letting go of the fantasy that anyone else will ever “complete” us. It’s two people choosing, every day, to share their lives. Not out of obligation—but out of intention. How QCH Therapy Can Support Relationship Growth This is where Cognitive Hypnotherapy (QCH) can be a game-changer. Not because it “fixes” your relationship—but because it helps you understand  what’s really going on underneath the surface. QCH helps individuals uncover and shift the beliefs, patterns, and emotional wounds they’re bringing into the relationship—often without even realising it. When you can see where your reactions come from, you begin to respond with more calm and compassion. You stop making your partner the enemy and start recognising the old stories playing out. This work can be deeply empowering. Because when you begin to feel safer, more secure, and more worthy, the whole dynamic in your relationship begins to shift. Let’s Be Honest—Relationships Are Messy and Beautiful There is no perfect partner. No perfect marriage.But there is  the possibility of a strong, loving connection when both people are willing to show up with honesty and kindness—not just for each other, but for themselves. If you’re in a season of struggle, or if you just feel like something’s been “off” for a while, know that you’re not alone. These challenges are part of being human. And you don’t have to navigate it alone. Ready to Understand Your Relationship More Deeply? If you’re facing difficulties in your relationship—or even if you just want to strengthen the foundation—QCH Therapy can help you understand the deeper patterns at play and begin to create change from the inside out. I offer a free consultation  where we can talk about what’s going on for you, and how therapy might help. No pressure. Just a conversation to explore whether this could be the support you need. Because love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about choosing each other — over and over— while learning how to love yourself, too.

Understanding Trauma, Hyper-vigilance, and Why Your Nervous System is on High Alert Have you ever found yourself reacting to something seemingly small in a way that feels... too much ? Maybe it’s a sudden loud noise, a change of plan, a look from someone, or even just the thought of being alone—and your heart races, your mind spins, and your body tenses. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is something I see often in my therapy room—and more importantly, it’s not your fault. Many of us live in a state of hyper-vigilance —that constant feeling of being “on guard" or "on edge". It’s like our nervous system has been trained to expect danger at every turn, even when nothing in our present moment is actually unsafe. And that can feel incredibly exhausting. Trauma Isn’t Always Obvious When we hear the word “trauma,” we often think of major, life-threatening events. But trauma can also come from smaller, repeated experiences that made us feel unsafe—emotionally, physically, or relationally. These could be things like: A parent who was emotionally unavailable or critical A chaotic home environment growing up Being bullied or rejected Experiences of feeling alone in your pain Our nervous system doesn’t just record the events themselves—it learns from them. It stores away messages like: the world isn’t safe, I can’t relax, I have to stay alert just in case. And so even when the threat is no longer there, your body and mind are still acting like it is. Meet Your Inner FBI Agent One way I often explain this to clients is like this: Imagine that inside your subconscious is a radar for danger. For most people, it’s like a gentle security guard, wandering along asking, “Is that safe? Yep, I’m all good.” But for you? It might feel more like a highly-strung FBI agent—gun drawn, scanning every corner, checking every shadow, expecting the worst at any moment. It’s no wonder you might feel jumpy, anxious, or overwhelmed when new situations come up. You’re already on high alert, already carrying the weight of past experiences that told you the world might not be safe. But here’s the key thing to know: you can talk to that FBI agent. You can begin to reassure that part of you that it doesn’t have to stay on guard forever. It ’s Not Your Fault So many clients ask me: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be calm like other people? But what if there’s nothing wrong with you at all? What if your mind and body are simply responding exactly as they were taught to do, based on your past? Understanding this is powerful. Because it shifts the question from what’s wrong with me? to what happened to me? — and that’s where healing begins. How QCH Therapy Can Help In QCH Therapy, we work gently with your subconscious to help it feel safe again. We explore the root of that hyper-vigilance—not by reliving trauma, but by changing the beliefs that were formed during those experiences. We speak directly to that inner radar, letting it know: You are safe now. You have everything you need within you to be strong. You can choose calm over chaos. This is not your fault. Over time, that inner FBI agent starts to lower its weapon, to trust that things have changed, to stand down. And with that, you begin to feel lighter, calmer, and more in control — because your body finally feels it can rest. Ready to Start Feeling Safe Again? If any of this resonated with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. I offer a free consultation  where we can gently explore what’s going on for you and how therapy can help. It’s not about fixing you—because you’re not broken.It ’s about helping you feel safe enough to live the life you want to live. Because you deserve that. Truly. Let's Chat. On edge

When That Inner Voice Won’t Let Up Have you ever noticed how quick your mind can be to judge you?That inner voice that says: You should have done better. Why can’t you just get it right? You’re probably not good enough anyway… I know that voice. I’ve lived with it, too. For many years, even when everything looked “fine” on the outside, I still had that quiet, constant undercurrent of self-doubt. Whether it was work, relationships, friendships—there was always that feeling of not quite being enough . I could tick every box and still not feel satisfied. And no amount of praise or success really shifted it. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Low self-esteem is something so many of us silently carry. It shapes how we see ourselves, how we show up in the world, and how we let others treat us. And most of the time? We don’t even realise how much it’s running the show. What is Self-Esteem, Really? Self-esteem is essentially the way we feel  about ourselves—our worth, our value, our sense of being good enough. And when it’s low, it affects everything. You might notice things like: Constantly criticising yourself—even over the small stuff Struggling to accept compliments or feeling awkward when people say nice things Assuming the worst about yourself, even when there’s no evidence Comparing yourself to others and always coming up short Feeling like you have to prove your worth just to be accepted These aren’t just “bad habits”—they’re usually rooted in deep, old beliefs that were formed a long time ago. Where It All Begins Low self-esteem doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. Often, it begins in childhood, in the subtle moments that make us question our value: A parent who was critical instead of encouraging A teacher who always noticed your mistakes, but never your effort Sibling dynamics that made you feel overlooked Growing up in an environment where love felt conditional And we don’t need to be told directly, “You’re not good enough” . Sometimes, all it takes is a look, a silence, or a repeated pattern—and we begin to believe it ourselves. Those beliefs settle deep inside, and as adults, we carry them into relationships, careers, parenting… everything. We start to measure our worth by what we do , not who we are . My Journey with QCH Therapy It wasn’t until I started my own journey with Cognitive Hypnotherapy  that things began to shift. QCH helped me uncover where that low self-worth had come from—and more importantly, showed me that it didn’t have to stay that way. We worked with the root beliefs—those quiet, powerful thoughts that had been running my inner world for years. And by speaking to my unconscious mind in a way it could understand and trust, I began to rewrite the script. It didn’t happen overnight. But the difference is real. Now, when that inner critic tries to take over, I meet it with kindness—not obedience. I no longer need external validation in the way I once did. And I feel more grounded in who I am, rather than who I think I should  be. You Can Change the Story If you’ve been carrying this weight too, I want you to know this: That belief—that you’re not good enough? It’s not the truth. It’s a belief. And beliefs can be changed. Cognitive Hypnotherapy isn’t about quick fixes or toxic positivity. It’s about gently, powerfully helping you see yourself differently.We go to the root.We shift the beliefs.We help your mind feel safe enough  to let go of those old patterns.And from there, you get to build a relationship with yourself that feels true, solid, and kind. Are You Ready to Feel Good About You? If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to talk . You don’t have to keep battling with yourself.There is another way—a way that’s kinder, quieter, more peaceful. Let’s begin with a free consultation , where we can explore what’s been holding you back and what healing could look like for you. You deserve to feel worthy. Not because of what you do—but because of who you are. And I’d be honoured to walk that journey with you.

Unhealthy Habits - More Than Just a Bad Habit We often talk about habits like they’re simple things, just something we need more discipline to fix. But if you’ve ever tried to stop something like smoking, overeating, nail biting, or doom-scrolling at 11pm… you’ll know it’s not that simple. Because habits are rarely just behaviours. They’re often coping strategies, things we’ve learned to rely on when life feels overwhelming, scary, lonely, or stressful. Behind almost every unhealthy habit, there’s usually an unconscious belief quietly driving it. And until we uncover that, change can feel impossible. I’ve Been There Too I’ve seen this pattern play out with many of my clients. But I’ve also seen it in myself. When I burned out (multiple times), I didn’t just collapse into exhaustion, I reached for the things that gave me comfort. For some people, that’s sugar. For others, it’s cigarettes, wine, or endlessly scrolling on their phone just to numb out. Whatever the outlet, the pattern is often the same: “I don’t feel good enough / safe / in control / seen... so I reach for something that helps me not feel at all.” The truth is, many of the habits we beat ourselves up over are actually ways we’ve learned to cope with discomfort — often from very early in life.They made sense once. But now? They might be holding us back. Why Willpower Isn’t the Whole Story If you’ve ever thought: “Why can’t I just stop?” , please hear this: It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your subconscious mind thinks it’s helping you survive. That part of you, what I sometimes call the Inner Protector, isn’t trying to sabotage you.It ’s trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.Even if it’s using outdated or unhelpful strategies. And that’s where Cognitive Hypnotherapy (QCH) can be so transformative. How QCH Therapy Helps You Break Free QCH isn’t about surface-level behaviour change or “just say no” tactics.It ’s about getting to the root, the belief, the emotion, the memory, that your habit is unconsciously tied to. Together, we gently explore: What this habit gives you (comfort, escape, distraction) What it might be protecting you from (stress, fear, shame) What beliefs might be living underneath it (e.g. “I can’t cope,” “I’m not strong enough,” “I need this to feel ok”) Then, using tailored hypnotherapy techniques and Wordweaving (a powerful therapeutic language model I use), we help rewire those beliefs, so your subconscious no longer needs to rely on the old habit to feel safe. Change Is Possible—And Often Easier Than You Think The good news? Once your subconscious truly understands that you are safe, you are enough, and you have other choices, the habit can begin to fall away, without the exhausting battle of willpower. It becomes easier to pause. To choose differently. To find healthier ways to meet your needs. And to finally stop fighting yourself. Ready to Feel in Control Again? If you’re tired of trying to change this on your own, and ready to get to the real reason it’s been so hard, I’d love to help. I offer a free, no-obligation consultation where we can explore what’s been going on for you and how QCH Therapy might help. Because you’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’ve just been surviving the best way you knew how. Now it’s time to thrive.