Consent-paced growth in therapy is often misunderstood as “going painfully slowly.” In reality, it’s about moving at a tempo your nervous system can actually sustain – fast enough that you feel momentum, but measured enough that you don’t tip into shutdown, panic or burnout. In my Weybridge practice, I use somatic work and EMDR to support change that is steady for the sake of safety, not cautious for the sake of caution. Your system stays in charge of the pace, so healing doesn’t feel like another demand placed on you.
We always begin by building a base of safety in the present. Before touching old memories or big themes, we help your body register that options and exits exist right now. That might look like gently orienting to the room with your senses – noticing colours, sounds, temperature, the feel of the chair under you. We explore breathing that feels manageable, not forced: perhaps a slightly longer out-breath, or noticing the natural rise and fall in your chest or belly. We also pay attention to contact points – feet on the floor, back supported, hands resting somewhere that feels solid.
These small steps are how your nervous system learns: “I am not trapped in this conversation; I can shift, pause, look around, come back to myself.” When your body trusts that it can move towards and away from difficult material, consent-paced growth becomes possible. You are no longer bracing for something to happen to you in therapy; you’re collaborating with what happens for you.
Somatic awareness then keeps us honest about capacity. Instead of assuming that if you’ve said, “I want to work on this,” your system is endlessly available, we listen for the parts of you that are less sure. These protectors might show up as tight shoulders, a sudden headache, foggy thinking, the urge to change the subject, or a familiar joke that deflects attention. In consent-paced work we don’t treat these as sabotage or resistance to be bulldozed. We treat them as guardians that once kept you safe, and we negotiate with them respectfully.
That might mean adjusting how close we get to a memory, working with a belief rather than a scene, or spending more time strengthening regulation before we go further. When protectors are acknowledged rather than overridden, they generally loosen their grip. Your system starts to learn that it can have both safety and change, not safety or change.
When the groundwork is there, EMDR becomes one of the tools we can use to support deeper updating. EMDR’s bilateral work – gentle left/right eye movements, taps or alternating sounds – helps the brain and body reprocess experiences that are still stuck in “emergency mode.” In consent-paced EMDR in Weybridge, we keep sets short and the process transparent.
Before we begin, we agree together on:
what we’re focusing on
roughly how close we’ll stand to it today
clear signals you can use to say “slow down”, “pause”, or “stop for now”
During the bilateral sets we pause frequently to check in. We’re not only asking, “How are you?” in words; we’re watching how your breath, posture, energy and attention are responding. If your system says, “That’s enough,” we stop, return fully to the present, and help you ground again. You choose how close we go and for how long, every time. The goal is not a dramatic catharsis that leaves you wrung out, but a series of tolerable updates that your body can keep.
Between sessions, we pay careful attention to what actually holds in real life. Consent-paced growth is not about pushing harder next week; it’s about noticing how your system has responded to what we already did. Are you sleeping differently? Are certain triggers a little quieter? Did anything feel like too much, or linger longer than you’d like? We use this information to adjust both the therapy process and the small rituals we’ve put in place.
Those rituals might be:
a brief grounding practice before and after challenging meetings
a simple sentence you use to close conversations that feel draining
a short evening routine that helps your system turn the volume down before bed
a “check-in” question you ask your body before agreeing to plans
We refine these over time so they feel humane rather than burdensome. If something is too complicated to use when you’re tired or stressed, we simplify it until it fits the reality of your days.
As this work unfolds, many people notice that their relationship with change shifts. Instead of feeling like they have to brace for impact every time therapy “goes deep,” there is more trust in the process and in themselves. Protectors soften because they see that they are being heard. EMDR sessions feel intense at times, but not violating or overwhelming. You may still have emotional spikes or hard weeks – that’s part of being human – but the direction of travel becomes clearer and more stable.
If you are in or near Weybridge and you’re drawn to change that honours your pace instead of fighting it, you’re welcome to start gently. To ask questions or arrange an initial session, please use the contact page: https://www.cherie-james.com/contact
— you can share what has felt too fast or too much in previous support, what you’d like to be different this time, and what kind of pacing your body might actually tolerate. From there, we can explore whether this consent-paced, somatic EMDR approach is a good fit for you.
FAQ
Q1. How does consent shape EMDR in your work?
Consent is visible at every step—focus, distance and timing are chosen together and adjusted often.
Q2. Does slower work still create progress?
Yes—pacing protects capacity, so gains are safer to keep and easier to repeat.
Q3. Can I switch between online and local?
Yes—Weybridge and secure online formats can be blended.